I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
