Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
