in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
