this beer tastes like vomit already
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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