Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
