The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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