Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
