there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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