you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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