And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
