you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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