be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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