i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
