well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
