so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
