Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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