Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
