You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
