I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there was a trapeze. enough said
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
