During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
