Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found puke in my bra..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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