"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
