I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
