Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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