im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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