Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
