I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I fill condoms, not promises.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize