I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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