dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
