Buhtt sex?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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