apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You dont lie about slip and slides
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
