it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
