He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And then my night got REAL pukey
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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