If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
