After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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