dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I fill condoms, not promises.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
