yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh god it's open bar.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
