I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
