FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
