i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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