i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
