hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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