Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sober January is a disaster.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
