Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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