Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
