My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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