If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
