Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
