very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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