Soap is not a condiment
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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