I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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