they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
