Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
