where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
