I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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