Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
