I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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