My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
