Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
