Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
